The puny kittens of Sadly, No! and The Poor Man offered their immediate and unconditional surrender to the forces of Master War Criminal Ted Barlow today, thus making a prophet of Kim DuToit, who so long ago predicted the pussification of the Western Male.
Well, I mean to say that we here at elementropy will never surrender! We are defiant to the end, we aim for total victory, through blood, toil, sweat, and tears and all that Churchill shit.
While Sadly, No! and The Poor Man are now run by Barlow-puppet regimes (they are now known as Vichy, Yes! and The Petain Man), The Editors and Seb wait and plan, and we, we freedom-lovers of elementropy, support them in their exile, certain that once the Barlow menace is driven back to the Twisted Forest from whence it came, a glorious restoration will delight the world. (While I, RETARDO, devise the strategy to fully prosecute all Barlow-collaborators.)
Why should we be so confident, you ask? Because we are exceptional! Like freedom itself, we soar above all others. We are of a whole different species. No, I really mean that.
Witness, elementropy mascot Donny, here seen defying two guns. While this photo was taken, in fact, Donny sang patriotic songs consisting of "I'm the birdy birdy birdy birdy bird", and, throwing caution to the wind, "spank your monkey". It is suspected that elementropy's leader's brother (possibly while very stoned), and leader of its special shock troops, taught Donny such defiant songs of sweet sweet liberty:
Soon after this picture was taken, Donny's loathsome interrogators fed him sunflower seeds, after which, in keeping with his never-say-die, never-give-in beliefs, he proceeded to righteously poop on one enemy's shoulder. Our Donny is a real trouper, unlike the pussies of S,N! and TPM, who are so servile and meek that they spare their tormentor Mr Barlow any unpleasantries by neatly pooping in their own litter boxes.
Yeah, you think you're tough, Ted Barlow? Donny says, "Bring it on!"
posted by RETARDO MONTALBAN @ 11:26 PM
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