Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The Shorter World Net Daily

Jack Cashill:

Media Bias! Liberals love whistleblowers like Mark Felt who expose Republicans but ignore or persecute those who expose Democrats, such as Linda Tripp, Paula Jones, and people who think TWA 800 was blown-up by a missile.

Hahah. Yes, he also mentions "pathologists who pointed out" alleged inconsistencies in Vince Foster's wounds. What Cashill is peddling here is, ultimately, blame on Clinton for 9-11. Resurrecting the old missile theory is a means of doing that.


Mark Steyn:

I find it very satisfying to think that the conclusions to the two great sagas of the 1970s, Star Wars and Watergate's Deep Throat, are bound to be disappointing to liberals, if they'd only see them as I do.

Steyn makes efforts to paint both conclusions as banal. But he's trying too hard, and it gives his game away. Actually, if any disappointment can be discerned in his column, it's all Steyn's own: he sounds absolutely wistful as he relates his theory that Nixon Secretary Rose Marie Woods unintentionally did the adminstration in by writing transcriptions which read as calculated evil, though, really, when one looks at later transcripts made by professional researchers, Oval Office conversations read like regular conversation, and are therefore seen as relatively benevolent. See? According to Steyn it all came down to appearances and perception, not facts or Nixon's actions. A truly original Nixon defense from our Igloo Wingnut from Canuckistan. He also mourns the fact that if Hoover had lived only a year longer, or Nixon had been able to keep Felt in the fold, things would have turned out differently (in other words, Richard Nixon would have gotten away with it).


Frank J. Gafney, Jr.:

Remember the weapon the bad guys used in that Bond flick, Goldeneye? An EMP. Well, in theory, al-qaeda or Iran could fit a fishing trawler with Scud missile launchers, put an EMP weapon in the Scud, and fire it on us. Every Playstation in America would go kablooie. But we are not without hope: this threat can be countered by a Missile Defense Shield and a renewal of underground nuclear testing.

Save The Children Computers!


Ron Strom:

Panic! Mayhem! Cats and dogs, living together! For instruction on how to survive if an EMP attack knocks out the nation's electricity, consult your Y2K manual.

Cultivating fear. They're good at that. Duck and cover, duct tape, bunkers, survival kits... be very afraid, and trust in Dear Leader.


David Limbaugh:

I have pillaged Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's work to prove that AI is lying: the rape, beatings, murders, and mutilations done by Americans during the recent wars in Iraq and on Terra don't compare to the rape, beatings, murders, and mutilations done in Stalin's gulag.

A note about moral equivalency arguments: often they exist only to split hairs. Yes, Stalin's gulag was far worse than ours in the sense that it lasted longer, and wasted more human beings. But then Stalinism only had to live up to Stalinism. We have to live up to something else.

But on the other hand, after some point, comparisons don't matter: if it's close, fuck it. Though it's not close here, if it was close, Limbaugh and his kind would scream just as hard -- if it, say, was empirically proven that the US tortured and murdered 19,999 people where another country tortured and murdered 20,000. Really. Though that's a hyperbolic example, my point is that there is, well, a point at which it's irrelevant to say who's worse. Look at it another way, do those neo-Nazi bastards have a point when they say, "a-hah, but only 4.5 million were killed in the Holocaust!"? Of course not. Though the true number should be determined, it doesn't make it "nicer" if "only" 4.5 million were killed instead of 6 million: it's still fucking evil.

Shorter David Limbaugh in the time machine:

Sir David Limbaugh:
Hear ye, hear ye. Let those who speaketh of moral equivalencies from our civilised iron maidens, racks, wheels, stockades, and gallows to the savages' gauntlets, torture pyres, and cannibalism know that they maketh a grave mistayke.

David Limbaugh west of the Pecos:
Tarnation! You fancy city slickers keep sayin that jus' cause our boys shot old men, brained Indian babies, shot pregnant women in the stomach, and from live captives removed scrotums and wombs which were later made into mighty fine tobacco pouches, that it's the same or worse than when those heathens scalp settlers, murder missionaries, and forbid them a proper Christian burial! Well, damn yer hides for that!

Davidus Limbaughus
Let it not be said that the various techniques employed by the Emperor's men -- the death of a thousand cuts, the genital mutilation, the rapes, the poisonous concoctions -- are in any way equivalent to that which is commonly practiced in the land of Cathay, the water tortures and live-burials and so on.


Joseph Farah:


Paramedics are on the scene.


Donna Halper:

Can't we all just get along?



Wing Nut Daily Readers:

John McCain is a traitor; Hillary Clinton is a communist. A potential McCain vs Hillary race in 2008 would be a fate worse than death.

Punctuated insanity, like reading the graffitti on boxcars as a slow-moving freight train chugs past. Space. Crazy. Space. Inane. Space. WTF? Space. Signature. Etc.


Mychal Massie:

The Democratic Party is the party of gaywads and abortionists, and if Howard Dean doesn't agree with my characterisation, he's on drugs.

It gets better: an attack on the New Deal, which was apparently racist as well as developed by Margaret Sanger.


Les Kinsolving:

The National Parent Teacher Association is nice to homo fagfags, but won't be nice to ex-sodomites who have been transubstantiated into wingnuts by Jesus!

How many times can he say "Sodomy Lobby"? He really likes to repeat it. It must be the near symmetry of those letters, so nicely shaped, bulbous on bottom, straight -- even rigid -- on top... coming together, slowly squeezing the less-manly letters out, now rubbing against each other, so masculine, oh, it makes him so hot.. yes.. Yes, now the Ys are capitalized.. it's a swordfight!.. the ds and bbs have grown swollen too.. oh yes.. oh, the humanity! Sodomy Lobby Sodomy Lobby Sodomy Lobby!

At least, I think that must be his reason.

*Edit -- I screwed this up the first time. Don't ask how.


Jim Rutz:

Theocracy is coming! Hallelujah! There was real freedom once, but the Catholics ruined it. Now the secular liberals are retarding it, but they can't hold out much longer. We'll overwhelm them!

Dispatches from the American Taliban, sure, but I'm disappointed. Not enough foaming at the mouth and fire and brimstone. And come on, I want a show for my money. Where are the snake handlers? And I don't think he mentioned witches or sodomy once. Hey, you're not gonna be the next Jerry Falwell if you keep that shit up, man. Get with the program.


As always, thanks to Busy, Busy, Busy for the inspiration.


See also: Seb's other unindicted co-conspirator, Brad, desperately tries to keep up with my blogging apparently had the same idea.