Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Frumbag

I'm typing this, but if I were dictating it, my tone may well resemble that of a Kubaz. Why is that, you say?

Because I'm holding my fucking nose.

Why is that, you say?

Because I'm wading in the filth of Commentary Magazine's website, and it's oh-so-stinky.

I didn't find what I was looking for, couldn't read the morbid thing I accidentally found ("Were American Indians the Victims of Genocide?" by Guenter Lewy -- I'm guessing Lewy's answer, staying true to the awful Commentary line of American "Exceptionalism", is "no"), and so contented myself reading David "Lion's Share" Frum's "review" of Bill Clinton's book.

In it, I discover that history is not exactly Frumbag's ..well, bag. That, and/or he is not-so-secretly Richard Nixon's biggest fan.

But first, he indulges in a bit of hypocrisy:
The book suffers, too, from even worse faults than turgidity [! -- Consider the source!]. Again and again Clinton reverts to his old habit of using lawyerly language for the purposes of concealment.


Guardhouse Lawyering? Weasel-wording? Butchering agreed-upon definitions of words so that, if concealment is not exactly served, excuses are, and in spades? Heaven forbid!

And now on to implied Nixon-love.
No chief executive since Warren Harding has brought as much derision and disrespect upon the presidency.


Now, aside from the issue of whether the "derision and disrespect" allegedly earned by Clinton was warranted or not, objectively speaking, Richard Nixon is the undisputed champion of disgracing the Presidency. Surely a man who wrote a particularly ugly collection of banality and lies which is only suitable for truck stop restrooms' toilet paper dispensers book on the decade of the 70s would be familiar with such facts. But then, come to think of it, Frum, whose knowledge of history makes Tacitus's look masterly (which is no mean feat), does need to hold firm on one historic Nixonian principle: that "If the President Does It, It Is Legal", which is of course so handy for his beloved George W. to have lying, as it were, around.

And why should Frum pick on poor Warren Harding? Frum must not know his history, because I should think that for him the habit of defending simple-minded, language-mangling, Republican politicans, installed by cynical and corrupt interests, whose crimes and scandals involved plundering natural resources as well as general but massive instances of graft, would be so familiar as to be careworn. So, plainly, Frum values these things. What, then, did poor Warren Harding do that was so worthy of scorn in the judgement of our impeccable moralist Mr Frum? Why, like Clinton, Harding liked getting an occasional Oval Office blowjob not performed by his wife. On balance (sic), how reprehensible! Also, Harding presumably earns debits on moral accountant Frum's balance sheet by being so horribly, awfully conciliatory and pacifying. "Good" presidents, you see, are vindictive to their domestic rivals, and in foriegn policy, rigourously uphold the Blow Shit Up doctrine -- for Frumbag, that's the American Way, and the only way.

Next,
Naturally, he has supported candidates of his own party, , but he has largely stayed out of partisan politics. In this he could not have been more different from the only other living Democratic former President, Jimmy Carter, whose speech accepting the 2003 Nobel peace prize—during which Carter denounced on foreign soil the foreign policies of President Bush—may have been the most disgraceful act by an ex-President since John Tyler took a seat in the Confederate Congress.


Nixon on the lam in California post-resignation, nursing an illness or "illness" which conveniently made impossible in-person depositions to investigators (buying time for the coming pardon), merits no mention. But that's not the point, the point is to slam an admittedly ineffective president, Carter, for having principles and for enhancing the category of Ex-President which was previously made banal by various golfing non-entities, or outright soiled by the likes of Tricky Dick himself (though Nixon made some marginally redeeming gestures toward the end).

In conclusion, it is obvious that David Frum poops in his pants and doesn't know presidential history from the ass on his shoulders. And so, not exactly to my surprise, I come to the real reason why I'm holding my nose.

*Edit : Amended a sentence for clarity.

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