Thursday, March 04, 2004

More Stuff I've Been Missing

Conservatives are shitty parents.

Oh yes!

World O'Crap details a fine example, but doesn't everyone but conservatives know this already?

So to speak more generally than World O', I offer:

For positive self-esteem, conservatives inculcate into their children some or all of the following:

--Etho-centrism
--Nationalism
--Tribalism
--Sectarianism
--Worship of the "Protestant Work Ethic"
--Wholehearted acceptance of Social Darwinism
--Wholehearted skepticism of Scientific Darwinism, a.k.a. the Theory Of Evolution
--Good Ol' Racism
--The Puritan Rationale that God Takes Care Of Those Who Take Care Of Themselves
--Sexism
--Utter contempt for Science, especially those elements that may seem at odds with the Almighty Gods of Jesus/YHWH and Crapitali$m.


This provides a wonderful foundation of Identity Politics, so that the little tyke may know who he is, and may eventually look around at differences instantly knowing who the Baddies are.

But the world, especially outside America, is a naughty place indeed; so to protect this special youngster, many paranoias and senses of entitlement too must be instilled in little Jr. Hence:


--Everyone not like him is a Communist
--All communists seek only one thing : to steal his and mommy's and daddy's stuff
--All sex outside marriage is evil, especially the homo variety
--Though God will punish these Baddies eventually, it's our duty to soften them up for the Big Guy
--Baddies hate achievers; they hate excellence
--All achievers have worked hard; if they hadn't they wouldn't have achieved. Therefore, if you see them goofing off, thumb deep in their asses, enjoying permanent vacation, you mistake this lack of action. They are plainly THINKING hard, no doubt about how to achieve more.
--People of darker hues were not put on the Earth for us to abuse; it's counterproductive to abuse those meant to serve us.
--99 percent of films and television is made to turn you away from the God$. Therefore the only art worth consuming are the Left Behind books, the 700 club, and television commercials: all of which are the ultimate arbiters of truth.
--Gay people are subhuman, with the exception of Andrew Sullivan, whom we have agreed to let God take care of as long as Andy remains loyal.
--American culture is the greatest in World History, and so it's right to lay claim to the world's resources, even though American culture is Satanic, because of liberals, homos, and Hollywood.



What kid wouldn't be fucked-up from this shit? Obviously, the best he can hope for is asthma. Poor Professional Virgin (copyright, TBOGG) Ben Shapiro is bound to turn up like Bill Bennett some day, with a dominatrix's stiletto deep in his rectum, or more likely, preening in front of a mirror tucking his genitals between his legs singing the sweet strains of Q. Lazarus's "Goodbye Horses." Jesus, the sexual frustration/idiocy/hatred inflicted on these kids is thoroughly sadist.

I absolutely think that Dr. Laura IS the typical middle-class conservative parent, as well as their ideal. She IS her "children's mother" -- and Ben Shapiro's, and Instapundit's, and Crazy Davey's, Cal Thomas's, Eliott Abrams's, etc. ad fucking nauseum.

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