Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Cannibals!

From tasty Soylent Green wafers to simply biting your girlfriend's ass (bite: not through, and do not chew nor swallow), who doesn't like the taste of a little human flesh now and then?

There is spiritual cannibalism like communion, and there is literal near-cannibalism, like oral sex (which is much tastier than a communion wafer, and if done with the right person, far more spiritual), but folks just don't tolerate the gourmands of New Guinean cuisine anymore. Damn you, Jeffrey Dahmer, you've ruined it for everyone. Well, that and the fact that one can get Kruetzfeld-Jakob Disease from eating brains, that Return of the Living Dead delicacy. No one wants that, except maybe these guys :The Church of Euthanasia. Alas, there is little market anymore for the "other white meat". That's right, contrary to the catch-all description of most odd meats, we don't "taste just like chicken"; rather we more closely resemble that other omnivore, the pig. I do wonder, though, if vegetarians have a lighter taste.



And don't think that cannibalism is a taboo throughout civilisation, it's not: be warned, Militant Vegans, due to the dearth of domesticatible animals in Central America, Aztec Civilisation's protein requirements were filled by the carcasses of those prisoners-of-war who were so gruesomely sacrificed on top of pyramids. The lesson is then plain; if you succeed in completely banning my hamburgers and fried chicken, I'll just instead eat you for dinner.

Angry Man Threatens To Eat Neighbour
German Cannibal Charged With Murder
Germany Seeks New Cannibal Victims
Man Held For German Cannibal Killing
Four Ukrainians Held For Cannibalism
Pot Gives Up Cannibalism Secret
Three Arrested For Cannibalism In Kazakhstan
The Real Hannibal Lectors
Fijians Find Chutney In Bad Taste
Neanderthals Were Cannibals
Cannibal Victim Wrote Will Before Slaughter
Brain Legacy Of Ancient Cannibals

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